Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Can we just elect Rambo and be done with it?

A theoretical 3AM exchange between President (shudder) John McCain and Secretery of Defense (double-shudder) Joe Lieberman.

The phone rings at 3:00AM in the White House...

John McCain: Uhh... huh? I didn't order a pizza.

Secretery of Defense Joe Lieberman: No Pizza, sir. It's me, Joe. We have a situation.

JM: Anchovies? I hate goddamn anchovies.

JL: Sir, it's me! We have a situation.

JM: Situation?!? Hot damn! Hold on Joe, let me find my Bombing Cap.

JL: Your what?

JM: Bombing Cap! You know how some people have a thinking cap? Cindy! Where's my bombing cap?

Cindy McCain: On the nightstand, by my Xanax. Same place as always.

JL: Sir, I haven't even told you what this is about yet.

JM: Got my bombing cap on now, Joe. Who we gonna bomb today?

JL: Sir, we don't need to bomb anybody. There's been an uprising in the capital of Myanmar, and...

JM: Myanwhat now?

JL: Myanmar. It used to be Burma.

JM: Like the shaving gel?

JL: No, sir. The Myanmarese are claiming that rebels...

JM: Myanmarese? Sure that's what they're called? Not Myanmartians, or Myanaise?

JL: Sir, can we please stick to the topic? This is an important...

JM: Gooks? Can we call them gooks?

JL: ...situation and we need to have an apropriate response.


JL: Come again, sir?

JM: It's called getting yourself PSYCHED FOR BATTLE, Lieberman! Try it with me! RRRRRRARRRRRRRR...

JL: Um... Rarrrrrrrr...


JL: Arrrrrrrgh.


JM: Sir, could we get back to the Myanmar situation?

JM: Those Myanmartians! I've never forgiven them for the death of my son! RRARRRRRRRRGH! AAAARRRRH!

JL: Sir, I think you're getting them confused with the Klingons in Star Trek III.


JL: The Klingons? Sir we can't bomb...

JM: Joe, I didn't make you my SecDef so you could go around NOT BOMBING PEOPLE.

JL: We can't bomb fictional characters!

JM: Well then can we bomb William Shatner's house?

JL: Certainly sir.

JM: Make it so, number one.


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